Tears of a Rat
by Peter W Pettigrew
Summary: Peter spends time with Harry on the day he betrays the Potters and tries to explain himself. What will he say? [ Peter Pettigrew , Wormtail , Scabbers ]


The baby gurgled cheerfully in his arms, flapping his little pudgy hands and talking in some language only known to him.  
  
He carried the child, looking miserable about it. His friends, James and Lily, had insisted he spend time alone with the kid, so what choice did he have?  
  
They were being so nice to him lately, his friends. They saw how he had changed over the past month. He had gone from the vibrant, silly boy to a broken man. He used to be energetic and somewhat immature. These days he was scared of his own shadow, and his laughter was shallow and fake. His friends thought that it was because of some stress that would pass, maybe having trouble finding work or something like that, but that wasn't it. His fear was real, and unfortunately it wasn't going anywhere.  
  
When he had joined the Death Eaters, it had been innocent enough. Someone encouraged him to see what it was about, so he did. He didn't know once he went to that one meeting, he would be sucked in. They weren't doing anything really wrong at the first meetings, just talking about unconventional ideas. It was only until after he joined that he saw the true horror of what he had done. Sadly, once you were in, you were in for good. Voldemort threatened that if he went to Dumbledore for help or told anyone, he would torture him until he wished he were dead. Being the coward that he was, that shut him up effectively. To make the long story short, things spiraled further and further downward for him, and here he was.  
  
He cradled the precious bundle of new life, sitting on the couch in an abandon room in the Potter's house. He rocked back and forth, staring at the child in his arms blankly. The child smiled goofily upwards and reached for his face.  
  
"Unnc Worrtaahl." The boy named Harry Potter chirped happily. Recently he had begun to talk. First it was "Dada," then "Mama," then it gradually progressed to all the Marauders. Now "Unnc," "Woonie," "Pahhhphud," and "Worrtahl" had been added to his vocabulary, and he obviously couldn't wait to show it off.  
  
Unfortunately, this did nothing to help his mood. At the sound of little Harry saying his nickname, Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew began to cry. It wasn't hysterical crying, or even sobs. Tears merely ran down his cheek, one by one.  
  
"Yes, that's right," He muttered, "I'm you're good for nothing Uncle."  
  
For a long time, he just sat there, rocking the child silently. Harry had grown uncharacteristically quiet too, sensing the sadness in the older man. Finally, Peter broke the silence.  
  
"It's better this way, you know." He started, raising a hand to wipe a tear. "You won't ever grow up to know how cruel life can be. You'll just remember your happy childhood memories. You won't know good, or evil. Just innocence and joy." A sniffle broke the speech. "You'll be with your parents in the after-life, and you'll all grow up and be happy there. There will be trees there, yes...and lots of candy. You'll probably be able to walk as soon as you get there, and talk too! Won't it be nice to talk to your parents? You'll all be happy in the after-life. Dying can't be as bad as everyone says it is, can it?"  
  
The baby just stared at Peter, uncomprehendingly. He growled in frustration.  
  
"Please, don't look at me like that. I have no choice! I'm...I'm not ready to go to the after-life yet! I'm scared. Why can't you understand? I'm scared! Once you grow up, you'll see how awful life is...but the problem is, you'll be too scared to die yourself. The after-life is wonderful, but I don't know if they'll have a place for someone like me..."  
  
A voice feminine interrupted him. It was Lily. "Peter? Peter, what's wrong?" At that, he started, afraid she had heard what he was saying. She hadn't. "Peter, why are you crying?"  
  
He responded, "Because he's so beautiful. You and James are so lucky. I wonder if I'll ever have children..."  
  
She smiled sympathetically. She knew her friend wasn't exactly popular on the dating scene. "I'm sure you'll have a nice family some day Peter. Until then, Peter, you always have us. You'll always be welcome here!" 

"...Thank...thank you." The man smiled back. "I have to go now. Please tell James I said goodbye..." Harry was handed back to his mother and Peter waved his goodbye. Lily and her son waved back, and he walked out the door.  
  
That was the last time he'd ever see his friends, James and Lily. However, he would see their son again. It was many years later, and he had long ago lost his humanity. Still, the rat saw him and knew he had made a horrible mistake; life could be beautiful...he was the one who had made it miserable for the boy. 

* * *

The first of many fanfiction I have planned for my beloved Peter! Like it? Hate it? Have constructive criticism? You can help me become a better writer by giving me feedback! The only thing I don't want you to do is whine about how you hate Peter and say something mean to me for liking him. I don't care, and if you do that you'll be ignored. 

If you liked this story or just Peter in general, please help him get added to the list of Harry Potter characters. Write a short letter to newcategoryfanfiction.net and tell them why you want to see him added. Then I can remove the [ Peter Pettigrew, Wormtail, Scabbers ] tag from my summaries. I put it there so people searching for Peter can easily find my stories.


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